So the week begins. Monday, is not a day of rest or hump day, or thank God day. It is "here we go again", Monday. Or so it was until recently. Now, I am developing a tool box of ways to kick it up a notch. Heck, this writing exercise is one of those tools. I really don't know what got into me to think that writing every day could possibly be something that I could or would do. Here I am on day two. I should actually be out the door, but that has not been my program for a while now. Monday, any day really, starts for me a little later than some. My wife teaches. She is up at 5:30 and out the door by 7. I have done that at times in my life, but morning and I are not best friends. We get along OK, but given a choice, I will push the start back a little bit and make it up on the other end. I have been self employed for 23 years of my life. That is 23 of 39 working years, so far. And while I don't have any regrets about the jobs I have had, I really appreciate being my own boss. Being the boss is not the best part. For the most part, it has been a solo operation for me. What I appreciate is the independence and flexibility to make my own day. I realize there are lots of things that influence how my day can go. But being self employed means I have a greater ability to decide how I want it to go. So back to these tools and the changing Monday effect. So I've decided in my 60th year to take a closer look at who I am how things are going for me. My kids are mostly grown up and so less time is devoted to them and their daily lives. Seeing them launch off into the world has reminded me of my early efforts to find my passion and make my way. What is it that guides us? Inside or out? Probably both. Reflection, listening intently to yourself, paying attention to the sense of joy and wonder when it arises. Awareness- this is another tool that I am implementing. When I arise each day, I am trying to take time to appreciate all that is good in my life. My dear friend Doug Uraneck, said that gratitude is at the heart of our existence. If we feel gratitude, we can feel compassion and love. If we feel gratitude, we can act in harmony with each other and with nature. If we feel gratitude, we are liberated from our fears and free to shine our lights and share our gifts. Saying these words makes me so happy to be alive. I want to shine, and I want to see others shine. By taking time, first thing in the morning to listen and reflect on the miracle of my existence, I am overcoming barriers before they can bear fruit; I am priming my pump, my heart, to facilitate the continuous flow of life force in a positive direction. Why would this not be the natural path for everyone? Hmm, that is food for thought. But today, I want to keep adding these tools, so that I can reinforce my positive journey. It seems like a lot to take on, but as the great classic film "What about Bob?" reminds us, what we need to do is focus on the next baby step, not the chasm, but the next most important thing before us. I am not Wiley Coyote. If I leap to far, when I hit the ground I will be broken and getting up and wiping off the dust will not be possible. Indeed, most of us have hurts of our own making or of circumstance that we are still licking and to heal also best happens in small increments. Don't push it. Be kind to yourself, for yourself and everyone who has to live with you. Monday is the first day of the week. Except for that, it is no different than any other day. This is the day that we are given. Film maker Louie Schwartzberg has produced a wonderful short film called Happiness Revealed that helps me appreciate my day and my life. This film has become another tool for me. It is a wonderful visual and audio reminder of our connection to the world. Here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxbOjp0qSjs&feature=related

Well, as is now obvious, I only blog once each December. But there is actually a lot going on in my life and so I have just signed up with 750words.com to see if I can kick this up a notch. Here is what I wrote today: OK, this is not the easiest thing for me to do. I have never kept a journal. In all the years of my life, I may have started journals five or six times- certainly fewer than ten. But the problem comes with the second day. I have almost never had the discipline to write that second day. How pitiful is that? I think that discipline is the operative word here. Discipline is something I lack. It is a character flaw, I guess. Maybe there is a problem of self confidence. Who would want to hear what I have to say? And who would actually take the time to read what I had written? I'm not dumb. I can hold my own in social settings and am comfortable with small groups of people. I have been in leadership roles in my church. And have gotten positive feedback. So what is it that keeps me silent? Where does that voice come from that says I am an inconsequential member of the human race? I love that Marianne Williamson piece about our greatest fear. How does it go? "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure...." Well, I think that is true. God is in each and every one of us. We each have a unique spark that has potential we can't imagine. Some of us find it early, some late, some never, maybe most never. But we all have it. Sometimes we think we are on to it, and find we have made a wrong turn. One thing leads to another and before we know it, we are waist deep in muck that isn't smelling to sweet. Then we spend a little or a lot of time and capital figuring how to get out of the muck... a rope, or shovel, or doing the elementary back stroke. Sometimes we get onto a track that holds promise. We apply ourselves and seem to make big gains only to plateau and then stagnate in frustration. The glass ceiling won't break. The vast majority of us are in this category, I think. It's not a bad place to be. We are safe, and not starving. But not really happy or fulfilled. Especially in the winter, we feel the discontent and maybe the hopelessness of our situation and worry that we will forever tread water; forever have unrealized dreams and potential. But every once in a while, someone succeeds, excels in a way that others take notice. Sometimes there is jealousy. But often it is recognize as the gift that it is, both by the public and by the individual so blessed. Hope is the result. The thing that is not so obvious, is that most often when someone does succeed, is is because they have put themselves in a position to succeed. They may have practiced and failed many times without notice. But they had the discipline to persist because something in them- a voice or feeling made them get up each day and have another go at it. I was at a meeting today where a woman spoke of her newly found pleasure in failure. She said that she was in a place in her life that gave her confidence that by trying and failing, she would gain. She would learn from her mistakes more than if she didn't make them. So that is why these words are on the page today. Here I am, sixty years old and facing the reality that my life, while not bad, is not the shining beam of hope that God had in mind for me. Many things are worthy of my gratitude. My family, my friends, my health. But what will I be remembered for? How will I feel as my energy diminishes and I face the end of my live? Is it a crisis? Not really. But will there be a bit of sadness that I couldn't muster the discipline to realize my human potential? What if I was to live each day as if it was my first and also as if it were my last? That was a question that Louis Schwartzberg asked in his short film "Happiness Revealed." I think that the wonder and the urgency of such a reality might possible give me the impetus to write every day. If I can wake with wonder and amazement when I first open my eyes, and feel the gratitude for the miracles that happen around me every minute of every day, then maybe this writing exercise will have some staying power. We shall see...