Well, as is now obvious, I only blog once each December. But there is actually a lot going on in my life and so I have just signed up with 750words.com to see if I can kick this up a notch. Here is what I wrote today: OK, this is not the easiest thing for me to do. I have never kept a journal. In all the years of my life, I may have started journals five or six times- certainly fewer than ten. But the problem comes with the second day. I have almost never had the discipline to write that second day. How pitiful is that? I think that discipline is the operative word here. Discipline is something I lack. It is a character flaw, I guess. Maybe there is a problem of self confidence. Who would want to hear what I have to say? And who would actually take the time to read what I had written? I'm not dumb. I can hold my own in social settings and am comfortable with small groups of people. I have been in leadership roles in my church. And have gotten positive feedback. So what is it that keeps me silent? Where does that voice come from that says I am an inconsequential member of the human race? I love that Marianne Williamson piece about our greatest fear. How does it go? "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure...." Well, I think that is true. God is in each and every one of us. We each have a unique spark that has potential we can't imagine. Some of us find it early, some late, some never, maybe most never. But we all have it. Sometimes we think we are on to it, and find we have made a wrong turn. One thing leads to another and before we know it, we are waist deep in muck that isn't smelling to sweet. Then we spend a little or a lot of time and capital figuring how to get out of the muck... a rope, or shovel, or doing the elementary back stroke. Sometimes we get onto a track that holds promise. We apply ourselves and seem to make big gains only to plateau and then stagnate in frustration. The glass ceiling won't break. The vast majority of us are in this category, I think. It's not a bad place to be. We are safe, and not starving. But not really happy or fulfilled. Especially in the winter, we feel the discontent and maybe the hopelessness of our situation and worry that we will forever tread water; forever have unrealized dreams and potential. But every once in a while, someone succeeds, excels in a way that others take notice. Sometimes there is jealousy. But often it is recognize as the gift that it is, both by the public and by the individual so blessed. Hope is the result. The thing that is not so obvious, is that most often when someone does succeed, is is because they have put themselves in a position to succeed. They may have practiced and failed many times without notice. But they had the discipline to persist because something in them- a voice or feeling made them get up each day and have another go at it. I was at a meeting today where a woman spoke of her newly found pleasure in failure. She said that she was in a place in her life that gave her confidence that by trying and failing, she would gain. She would learn from her mistakes more than if she didn't make them. So that is why these words are on the page today. Here I am, sixty years old and facing the reality that my life, while not bad, is not the shining beam of hope that God had in mind for me. Many things are worthy of my gratitude. My family, my friends, my health. But what will I be remembered for? How will I feel as my energy diminishes and I face the end of my live? Is it a crisis? Not really. But will there be a bit of sadness that I couldn't muster the discipline to realize my human potential? What if I was to live each day as if it was my first and also as if it were my last? That was a question that Louis Schwartzberg asked in his short film "Happiness Revealed." I think that the wonder and the urgency of such a reality might possible give me the impetus to write every day. If I can wake with wonder and amazement when I first open my eyes, and feel the gratitude for the miracles that happen around me every minute of every day, then maybe this writing exercise will have some staying power. We shall see...